Beauty & Body Image

Mindy Kaling: “I always get asked, ‘Where do you get your confidence?”

180198581_10 - Mindy Kaling: "I always get asked, ‘Where do you get your confidence?"

On the attention paid to her appearance:

“I always get asked, ‘Where do you get your confidence?’ I think people are well meaning, but it’s pretty insulting. Because what it means to me is, ‘You, Mindy Kaling, have all the trappings of a very marginalized person. You’re not skinny, you’re not white, you’re a woman. Why on earth would you feel like you’re worth anything?’”

… says Mindy in Parade Magazine.

 

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s
Guest
s

Smart lady

eva
Guest
eva

indeed

Abby
Guest

Brains and beauty! Adore this woman she is fabulous, also if you haven’t yet then do yourself a favour and check out her show it is hilarious.

Debbs
Guest
Debbs

Love her comment & that blue dress. Haven’t seen her show though.

Jillian
Guest
Jillian

I find her to be all around unattractive. Also, I think she’s carrying more weight than is natural, simply by looking at her upper arms.

Overall I like her curvier, larger figure but the higher weight is not the most flattering. Perhaps if she lost some she would be stunning.

But good on her for being confident. I admire a confident woman.

panama
Guest
panama

“Good on her for being confident”

there;s that attitude again!

Jillian
Guest
Jillian

Not sure I understand…

cloud9
Guest
cloud9

hahaha, you are the epitome of the ingrates she refers to jillian. she is fabulous, has gobs of money, and has noteworthy intellect, you…well…you discuss every morsel of her body as if you are god, and that saddens me.

Emilie
Guest
Emilie

Did you even read Mindy’s quote?

ebby
Guest
ebby

you just illustrated her point perfectly!

Jillian
Guest
Jillian

Lol I’m not saying it’s surprising for her to be confident and that she shouldn’t be confident for any reason.

I just personally dislike her appearance.

lex
Guest
lex

I get what you’re saying Jillian. I don’t find Mindy’s figure to be that attractive. But if she’s confident with herself, good for her. The way I’m built – athletic and ruler-shaped – is not ideal for a lot of women. But I’m very confident about how I look. I know a few women who are beautiful in both face and figure but they are very insecure about their looks. I’d rather be me and be secure than be “perfect” and be insecure.

Emilie
Guest
Emilie

“I find her to be all around unattractive. Also, I think she’s carrying more weight than is natural, simply by looking at her upper arms. Overall I like her curvier, larger figure but the higher weight is not the most flattering. Perhaps if she lost some she would be stunning. But good on her for being confident. I admire a confident woman.” But that is EXACTLY what you are saying and her point exactly. You don’t like her appearance because of how she carries her weight, but good for her accepting her body and being confident. It really is the… Read more »

JN1976
Guest
JN1976

Hit the nail on the head… Oh…Jillian how ashamed I am that we share a name. For me: Mindy is funny, smart, beautiful, cool, a very good dresser (and chooses from a perfect palette of colours to compliment her beauty – or her stylist is great), has gorge shiny hair and beautiful skin. To me she radiates when she smiles. There’s a lot of beautiful people who look dead in the eyes and smile but not her – she could teach Tyra a thing or two imo. She appears a bit overweight but to me the confidence she exudes is… Read more »

JN1976
Guest
JN1976

INCLUDING the body she’s happy to be in!
(dude I don’t have boobage and a– like that…jealouzzzz)

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

lol! wow you are so ignorant…

Fay
Guest
Fay

Sweet face and I love confident women. I have never been one

LucyGoose
Guest
LucyGoose

I love Mindy and her show. I’m happy to see a variety of shows with women leads on prime-time and she has plenty of reasons to be confident. People are asses and I agree that it’s an off-putting comment.
Like,
“You look tired!”
“You look great…for having a baby and all.”
“You look great…for your age.”

SA girl
Guest
SA girl

Why should she not be confident? The following ‘criteria’ she mentioned, have really no weight in determining a successful individual. It’s pure driven talent that makes us likeable and successful in whatever career path we choose, not our sex, race, etc. She’s talented, likeable, seems approachable, a beautiful confident lady!

annabanana
Guest
annabanana

talent + hard work, I would add. Its not true that race gender etc have no impact on our success because people of minorities in those categories face obstacles that others do not, making it more difficult to succeed. It is always still possible though- it just takes MORE determination and courage and hard work and talent.

SA girl
Guest
SA girl

Very true

Winnie
Guest
Winnie

it’s sad that what she’s saying is true, but it is. no one would think ask someone like Candice Swanepoel that, or “admire” her for being confident because “LOOK AT HER!” but someone with some obvious “flaws” like Mindy would get asked that because with the VS model being held today’s societal ideal, she really wouldn’t have much to to be proud of

Plirr
Guest
Plirr

But Candace S. doesn’t have that all-out great confidence that Mindy has. It’s a trademark of hers. So yeah, no one would ever ask Candace about that.

Winnie
Guest
Winnie

Candice may not exude the “i love myself” confidence that Mindy does, but she certainly has the “I’m hot/hotter than you” thing going on. she has it down pat. have you seen her instagram or twitter? she comes across as conceited, not to mention narcissistic. but would anyone question her for it? no. because she “can” be.

popo
Guest
popo

Yay, Mindy! I like her show. Its a little cutesy and predictable but still quite entertaining.

Mia
Guest
Mia

hahaha I love the quote, especially in light of some of the comments I’ve seen on this site about confident women…”who does she thinks she is”, “if I were her, I would never be that confident”, “she thinks she’s all that”. We should celebrating women who are confident, not bringing them down.

popo
Guest
popo

agreed.

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

So which one is it? Should we celebrate confident women at the expense of being honest, about their looks, on a ssite thats designed to do just that, give opinions on celebrity looks? I think both.

Mia
Guest
Mia

If you don’t like a woman’s body that’s fine, and you can comment on it, but I don’t see any reason to call a woman delusional or arrogant because she likes the way she looks, even when you don’t. The distinction may elude you, but it is an important one.

Effie
Guest
Effie

Perfectly explained, Mia 🙂

Jennifer aniston
Guest
Jennifer aniston

Take out the not white and woman part. Nobody will ask that of Naomi Campbell ever or Chanel iman. She’s just not attractive, stop trying to intellectualize into a race and gender discussion. We all know why it’s easier for Adriana Lima to be confident than Lena Dunham.

ebby
Guest
ebby

i think its more of size thing. People will ask Amber Riley (from Glee), Queen Latifah, Monique, and any heavy set woman regardless of race on where her confidence comes from.

Winnie
Guest
Winnie

hmm, yet all the women you just listed happen to be black…interesting.

Emilie
Guest
Emilie

I get what you are saying because people ask plus size models and Melissa Mccarthy that question. But who knows, there aren’t many Indian actresses and writers with TV shows, so IMO you can’t really compare her situation to Black models

Marike
Guest
Marike

mindy is da bomb! I ♥ this woman! why stupid people say dumbass stuff

MerryHappy
Guest
MerryHappy

I like Mindy. Her confidence seems genuine. She’s witty, funny, and intelligent. She also seems to have had a great supportive family, and unlike the Lena Dunham’s of the world, she doesn’t seem to think she has singlehandedly changed the infastructure of tv/writing/young adult life and embodied the young *cough white* everywoman.
I also think she’s cute. Her face and personality are just sweet. She may not have a body I like, she isn’t built like Candice or Miranda, but I still like her and she doesn’t become a person of lower value because of that.

serena
Guest
serena

Agreed on all counts – I don’t find Mindy attractive, but she’s funny, smart, and a good writer – she’ll probably still be writing/directing a decade from now. In that time both Candice/Miranda will be old news, replaced with younger, fresher models. Beauty and youth fade, but talent, hard work, go a long way.

Channy
Guest
Channy

She is witty one of a kind go getter kind of girl. Yeh sure shes different, not so skinny, but who cares! Shes not a contestant on a modeling competition or those retarded beauty pageants that she needs to feel like odd one out. Shes a real intelligent girl with ambition. I like her comedy.

MerryHappy
Guest
MerryHappy

@serena and channy
Exactly. I think she’s smart and has a great sense of humor. I haven’t watched her show, but I read her book and her interviews are hilarious.

Viva
Guest
Viva

I don’t really like her tv show and I don’t really think she’s funny too but good for her I’m sure she is very hardworking and if she feels confident then that’s great

retrobanana
Guest
retrobanana

I admire mindy for being a minority woman writer if anything and making it…I think her writning isn’t the best and I think she think she thinks shes still 24 but I still am glad she made it….

Isabelke
Guest
Isabelke

love her show! It’s so silly! also great point, whoever brought up the race thing, it really is not about race, more so about the weight, when they ask her where (how in the world!??) she gets such confidence.

lc
Guest
lc

Hm yeah right. I remember her saying to a magazine that she doesn’t care about size/weight blah blah it’s irrelevant and women shouldn’t judge their self-worth based on it. Then she says something that screams she is not confident when she seemingly lied about her size, making herself smaller. She stated that she was a size 8….um, yeah right. Sorry but there is no WAY. I know everyone is different but my sister is a size 8 and like literally half her size; she’s actually quite skinny. Mindy seems more like a 14 or something. I don’t know why people… Read more »

serena
Guest
serena

Yep she doesn’t look like an 8…I also noticed she was photoshopped to look slimmer in ads for her show. To be honest I find her very unattractive, not because she’s plus sized, but I mean her face…however I do think she’s genuinely smart, funny, talented – wrote some great episodes of ‘The Office’. Mixed feelings about her.

Faith
Guest
Faith

To be fair I reckon she is about a UK 14 so a US 10 is only a size larger than she says and if she is short under 5″5 yeah I could believe she is a UK 12 (us 8?). Plus sizes are so vanity sized its hard to tell who is a true whatever size.

Snip
Guest
Snip

Your waist can be up to 29″ & fit into a size 8. Man, she is probably smaller than that!

Bethany
Guest

Are you implying that a 29″ waist is large?!

mary
Guest
mary

Good for her. She never struck me as having any more confidence than the next girl, but ive never seen her speak.

The funny thing with confidence is, if you are average and have it, people are surprised and think its uncalled for…AND if you are attractive with confidence you get labeled as stuck up/arrogant and people still think its uncalled for. Sorry, but its a losing battle. hates gunna hate.

Winnie
Guest
Winnie

lol so true, mary

Nene
Guest
Nene

Truth of the matter is that almost every question- pertaining to body and health- these days has a ‘real’ one behind it.Sometimes two.Particularly the ones directed to female celebrities or women in general. They try to be ‘diplomatic’.Example… *”How do you keep your curves?” Meaning: “You are fat.Do you really excercise and eat right cos it doesn’t seem so?” *”You lost the baby weight quite fast,how did you do it” Meaning:”Come on,you got a ‘little help’,i mean u can’t have lost it that fast.Spill?” Or “You went crazy with excercise and dieting just after the birth leaving the nanny to… Read more »

Veronique
Member
Veronique

Agreed on all points.

*****
Guest
*****

I am loving this post, such interesting conversations! Lots of good points, and differing views.

I think Mindy rocks her appearance sooo hard with all that confidence, regardless of where she gets it or why she should or shouldn’t have it. She just does, and it’s hot on her.

Kimberly K
Member
Kimberly K

I think Mindy is unique and her show is all right. Since I am Black and Korean, I understand the “your not White so how can you be confident?” kind of thinking. It does get old. Perhaps she gets her confidence by writing her show and empowering herself in that way. Good for her too!

kelly
Guest
kelly

“First of all – how dare you?!”

Kaling
Guest
Kaling

I’m less bothered by the racial implications of her quote than the gender issues. When Al Roker was fat (and non white) nobody ever asked him why he’s so confident. Unless the man is HUGE, noone really ever comments on how they look. It’s beyond unfair that women are still judged first by their appearance then their talents, and men are always first by what they bring to the table.

Alexis Christine
Member
Alexis Christine

“It’s beyond unfair that women are still judged first by their appearance then their talents, and men are always first by what they bring to the table”-Kaling <—–Love it, I agree completely.

solaxia
Guest
solaxia

I think she is super gorgeous! Really beautiful and cute face, gorgeous skin and hair and eyes. Plus her figure is cute, she dresses nicely, and I completely agree with her quote.

Tst
Guest
Tst

Since when do you have to be a skinny to be a comedian???? *baffled*

Amber
Guest
Amber

I think the very fact that she believes people are insulting her by asking her where she gets her confidence, probably shows that she isn’t as confident on the inside as she appears!

Kimmy
Guest
Kimmy

Shes not reading too much into it.

Only a woman who isn’t smart would accuse her of just being insecure.

Very attractive women are never asked where they get their confidence from. Because women will always be valued first and foremost for how hot/beautiful they are.

Amber
Guest
Amber

I’m not so sure. She brings up not being white, not being skinny, and being a woman as things potentially not having any worth. I definitely know larger, black women who are attractive, but I think confidence is a totally unrelated phenomena. Some people I find unattractive, are very confident, and some people who I think are stunning have very little confidence in themselves. I think confidence is an attribute in itself, not necessarily correlating with so called ‘attractiveness’. People may simply be complimenting her on that – her amazing confidence! The way she chooses to interpret their questions is… Read more »

snugglepup
Guest
snugglepup

But just how smart are you if you feel the need to smugly boast that you have such an high IQ. Prig.

Amber
Guest
Amber

Well, I did feel it was appropriate because I don’t think it’s fair for people to say others aren’t smart just because their opinion differs from their own. Rather than just saying, ‘No, actually I think I am fairly smart person’, I thought I should back it up with something. If you think that is being a prig, wouldn’t the person I was replying to be a prig too then? ‘Only a woman who isn’t smart..’ ? She basically insists only people who agree with her are smart, and that her opinion about Mindy is superior to mine. I see… Read more »

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

@kaling. Yeah its totally rac.is.t to say Kaling looks like Miss America when she was obese…couldnt just be that they look alike LOL.

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

* start

MissCoco
Guest
MissCoco

@versus
I really don’t feel comfortable with the racist undertones of one Anonymous’ comment. As a minority girl who visits this site often I’m very happy to see posts on white as well as non-white girls. I thought that the commenters would provide insightful ideas about the struggles that women face. But having this anonymous person spout things like Mindy looks similar to the new Miss America is hard to accept. Also, I only came to reporting this because I am very confident she would not be open to the suggestion of quitting the racist undertones.

Plirr
Guest
Plirr

What a horrible way to misinterpret a well-meaning question. Some of the least confident people are skinny white women. It wasn’t a racist question.

...
Guest
...

Agreed–she interpreted the question rather negatively. I don’t understand why i her perception of confidence so wrapped around the physical side of things. I get it is a part of who you are but when I think of confidence it is not only confidence in your looks, but who you are, how you carry yourself, and what you have to offer to the world. It’s truly something that comes from within and definitely not a trait everyone has…

serena
Guest
serena

Maybe she is defensive because she gets asked the question frequently? You must admit that Mindy stands out in a sea of thin white women on the red carpet. Hollywood portrays Asian/Indians as frumpy awkward nerds and rarely as sexy (Lucy Liu the only exception I can think of). The truth is no one asks VS models where they get their confidence from – they assume they’re confident because they’re beautiful. Some people genuinely look at Mindy and don’t understand why a chubby indian girl is confident…pretty pathetic actually.

Emilie
Guest
Emilie

But the white women aren’t asked that question.. I think it kind of is racist, but no one can know for sure/.Because she is heavier and not typically beautiful. Or the fact that she is a female writer. WHO KNOWS. But she feels that it has a bit to do with race

Plirr
Guest
Plirr

And I should add, it’s that Mindy has so much incredible confidence — she oozes it in a good way — that the question comes up. It was meant as an off-handed insult. Just admiration is how most people would take it.

Plirr
Guest
Plirr

Oops, meant was *not* meant as an off-handed insult.

Naomi
Guest
Naomi

I’m surprised her skin is not in very good condition.

M
Guest
M

She looks brilliant in that blue dress! Her pout makes her look like an Indian Vanessa Hudgens haha, same sort of face structure 🙂

snugglepup
Guest
snugglepup

She looks great 🙂

tequilla
Guest
tequilla

being attractive and being beautifull/pretty are 2 different things imo annybody who has a life is aware of that. there are so much HF models who are pure beauties but not that attractive. im shure mindy is very attractive woman, confidence is very sexy, and she is cute as a girl from the street, she is just not hollywood pretty.

htpnksuga2
Guest
htpnksuga2

I think she really pretty, it helps that I think she’s also hilarious. Her beauty is more prevalent than Scarlet Johanson to me at least.