Heidi Montag – The Up(Down)graded Body

heidi - Heidi Montag - The Up(Down)graded Body

Heidi’s a size 0, so let’s start from that. And Heidi’s body includes, besides the apparent skin and bones, some less natural materials, such as, you know. Now, to say it remotely nicely, Heidi’s got some skinny legs. And saying the same thing less delicately (and yes, we can afford to do this, since, well, we’re not afraid of attacks coming from Heidi’s large fan base), Heidi’s got “hen legs” (haha, there, we subtly avoided “chicken”). Let’s see: the “incredibly rare” nuance of blonde with plastified effect hair, the newer, smaller, creepier version of a nose, the former A, present D cup, the already mentioned “hen legs”… yes.

Hayden Panettiere, Revealing Outfit, Perfect Shape

hayden-panettiere - Hayden Panettiere, Revealing Outfit, Perfect Shape

Here is Hayden Panettiere, no, not doing errands, but filming – so no, the deep cleavage was not her choice when she got dressed in the morning. What this outfit makes, besides making men interested, is that it basically invites us to perform a very accurate analysis regarding her body and shape. Visualizing, analyzing, performing… And the conclusion is that Hayden looks flawless. Yes, flawless comes to mind at a second glance, too. Hayden seems to have found a hard-to-find exact middle between “hearing bones breaking” and “flab’s domination”. Way to go!

Ashlee Simpson – Can We See the Mom-to-Be Spark?

ashlee - Ashlee Simpson - Can We See the Mom-to-Be Spark?

After joggling with “I’m pregnant”, “No, I’m not” (suspense equals constant publicity), following the well known recipe of all Hollywood soon-to-be moms, little miss Simpson or the media (no, nobody is sure) decided that future misses Wentz is, indeed, pregnant and told the world. Miss Simpson sure looks fit and slim now and, in case she is as pregnant as US Weekly says, it will definitely be entertaining to see how much (or how little) weight she will put on, how fast or how sudden she will gain and so on (yes, we could build graphics). Now the blue flared coat she has on is a great investment, considering that, even an 8 months baby bump can hide in there quite comfortably.

What do you all think?

Victoria Beckham – Skinny Scale Time!

victoria - Victoria Beckham - Skinny Scale Time!

If any of you out there are wondering whether Posh is looking slightly healthier these days, the answer would be pretty clear while looking at the picture above, as in “Nope” (if the “diminutive of thighs” doesn’t convince you, then the skin-through collar bones probably will). It is a mystery how any pair of jeans can fit that perfectly and tightly on a size 00 body – the result of her long term 900 calorie diet – , unless we listen to the rumors which say that she gets her clothes readjusted after purchasing them, diva style.

So, what do you say? How would you rate her on the skinny scale? Rate Victoria Beckham from 1 to 10, 1 meaning “girl’s place is on Chubby Scale” and 10 meaning “at least she’s got bodyguards to catch her if she faints”.

Versus’s expert verdict: Posh is an 8. If Posh’s knees and an average woman’s wrists would enter a competition called “who’s skinnier?”, the knees would take home the crown.

Fergie in Some “Super-Trendy-Wannabe” Jeans

fergie1 - Fergie in Some "Super-Trendy-Wannabe" Jeans

Here is Fergie walking on the street in what appears to be year 1997, judging by the discoloured jeans, which, by the way, are not doing a great job at defining and contouring Fergie’s sculpted legs. What do you say? Are these clothes flattering on Fergie?

Versus’s expert advice: Big, irregular and contrasting patterns are a quite hard to wear, especially when talking about pants, regardless if you’ve got Twiggy’s or Beyonce’s legs. I vote “pro” the nude platform shoes that extend Fergie’s 5’2 frame and “against” the figure-cutting, magnet-like, phosphorescent belt.